I Wrote a Back-to-School Brochure Based on Final Fantasy VIII’s Balamb Garden
Message to Prospective Students of Balamb Garden
Personalize your passion! Arrive to thrive. But Balamb Garden teaches more than alliteration and rhyme. This campus is located in an ancient civilization’s ark, refurbished with the cutting-edge tech of the Shumi tribe. The Garden is a marriage of the best of the old and the new.
“Balamb Garden is the technological G.O.A.T. of universities.”
Levi
“I met my GF at Balamb Garden. She makes me forget my lonely past… really, I remember nothing!”
Esuna
Garden grads have a big leg up. Through connections around the world, Garden has all the work alumni will ever need.
“They hired me to assassinate the leader of Galbadia.”
Irvine
A View Into Balamb Garden
Students have all the tools they need to explore their maximum potential. But how does this look? Let’s explore Garden and other locations on Balamb Island.
Discover the Local Culture
Had a grueling week of class?
Relax in Balamb Town, just a brief drive from campus. Balamb Island’s port is as picturesque as it is tranquil. The architects rendered marble and limestone buildings against a backdrop of rolling waves, blue skies, and fluffy cumulus clouds.
Enjoy the goods and services of retail shops, restaurants, and resorts chiseled into the stone along the roads.
On the top of the hill sits the Balamb Resort Hotel, with a view of the sapphire waters. Don’t miss a closer look with a stroll around the marina.
On the other side of town, an underground rail station connects to the mainland. More details on that later.
“Train’s a ripoff! It literally costs 3000 gil per ticket.”
Fei
“Renting a car is 3500. Typical tourist trap gouging!”
Bart
State-of-the-Art Dormitories
Students can bunker down in their own dormitory bedroom. Studies show that students living on campus are more likely to have higher grades and graduate.
Chat with your friends on Garden Square, as lightning-speed fiber optics connect all rooms to Balamb Garden Network.
“It’s excellent! All rooms come fully furnished with beds, sofas, and cabinets to store our weapons.”
Ashlann
“I love the local environmental controls! My roommate keeps her heat in the thirties, but I’m from Trabia, so I like a cool ten or eleven degrees Celsius.”
Shalin
Achieve Optimal Health With the Medical Facilities and Cafeteria
Students at Balamb Garden come in all shapes, sizes, and junctions. Campus has its own med-bay with the staff to fix even the most grievous wounds.
Dieticians engineer food optimized for the needs of each student. All processed foods are nutritionally crafted to mimic the foods many know and love, like hot dogs! Whether it’s building muscle or recovering from wounds — these foods are the perfect dose.
“The hot dogs are fake?”
Z.D.
“I wonder if it’s that the hot dogs taste just like the real deal, or if my GF has made me forget the flavour of real hot dogs? She has that effect on me. I love her so much!”
Esuna
An Extraordinary Classroom Experience
Balamb Garden’s sharpest edge is its small class size merged with state-of-the-art technology. Students can have a more personal relationship with their professors — and are free to blog about their prof fandom.
“Professor Trepe asked me out on a date!”
S.L.
“This could be a problem.”
Dean X.
“You people are so closed-minded!”
Mary K. Le Treno
No more chalkboards! Enjoy ubiquitous access to coursework anywhere on campus. And in the classroom, professors can show their notes on mounted screens. The class can follow and make their own notes at workstations built into each desk.
“The fiber optics network is the most advanced way to access the Internet system since the Lunar Tear took out all the broadcast satellites one hundred years ago.”
C. Tan
“I learned how to be a SOLDIER by training for SeeD.”
Zach
Cut It Up in the Training Grounds
Sharpen your skills with the blade. If swords aren’t your thing, try any other weapon, be it gloves, nunchaku, or a machine gun. No school tops Garden in combat training facilities. It takes its training seriously, as the school’s chief source of funds isn’t tuition, it’s SeeD — Garden’s elite operative force.
“Training is grueling but rewarding. Pick up a gunblade. Fight a T. rex in the training facility!”
Azeem
Take the Train to the Mainland!
ADVISORY IN EFFECT for those who want to take the train to the mainland. There has been a rise in paramilitary activity in the past few years. Students should secure a SeeD escort on all trips to Timber, Deling City, Dollet, or Winhill.
“Be advised, private cars don’t come with beds.”
Allie Bunny
Like What You See?
No matter your academic goal, Balamb Garden is the best school in the world today. No deals need to be cut with poet sorceress dictators to get the funds Garden needs.
“Sounds like Balamb Garden is just a front for a paramilitary task force.”
Dallas
“True! But they have fiber Internet.”
Irwin
“I’m sold!”
Wyatt
